Why did it take close to a week to write a retrospective on the trip? In all honesty, I believe that a trip's significance can't fully be realized until you have to adjust from it. Sure, you get off the plane and sit around your house a few days adjusting to sleep, but it isn't until you have to adjust to normal life that you begin to think about the good times and just why the trip could be seen as a necessity. A rather expensive one, but nonetheless, a necessity. In a sense, it is like recovering from a hangover and trying to figure out why you drank in the first place. Hopefully it was for the memories.
The odd feeling that I have developed over the past few months is this odd connection to Joaquin Phoenix's character in the Master. It isn't the broad scope that I feel like I am being manipulated, but there is the sense of not quite understanding the world around you. In England, I felt that at a higher ratio, though for really obvious reasons. If you see the film and try and piece together the relativity, it will not make entire sense. Just know that I feel like Phoenix embodied a desire to find direction, but never quite found a reason to follow anyone but himself. As dumb as it sounds and as much as I try not to make everything about movies in my life, that is how I felt at times. No ifs, ands, or buts.
But let's move on. This feels reductive. Let us start with the post and eventually move into the pre. The last that everyone heard, I was arriving in Los Angeles, bored out of my mind and just wanting to find stimulants. I was even worried that I couldn't drive a car properly from being disconnected for so long. In fact, the following day wasn't exactly a cake walk like I hoped. I was too aware that the world was moving, and I needed to catch up. In fact, I was heading out to see Zero Dark Thirty at least four times just to come to the conclusion that I needed to buy school books, or even give my sister a call. There were things to do, and I ended up spending that day catching up on loose ends. That is, before abusing David's Taco Tuesday and going to his house for dinner and watching Aziz Ansari's "Dangerously Delicious" (seriously, it was his idea).
I have honestly felt odd about the lack of attention that has been surrounding my trip. With exception to a few short hurrahs, the talk faded. It was partially because I just have a sloppy way of slowly displaying interesting. At least I think I do it for show, but I don't know why. I expected big dinners and to be the center of attention. I was, but for a brief window. Then it was time for everyone to get ready for another day of work and me to figure out how I was going to catch up on close to 10 TV recaps as well as school.
However, the significance of the trip didn't really settle in until that Wednesday when I went into work. It was a throwaway, four hour shift. As I was bagging, I immediately noticed the physical and mental changes. While I have long stopped associating cynicism with my daily grind, I noticed a certain level of calm that made things almost too lackadaisical. I worry that the trip made me lazy, but my hand-eye technique wasn't really bothered. It was slower, and I wasn't in a rush anymore. There was this calming peace over me, and I felt... optimistic. True, Sunday rolled around and the Super Bowl picked up business, but I just haven't felt the overpowering sense of focus that I used to have. I still work hard and mutter bad things, but not at such a disaffected rate as I used to.
On another note, I am looking back on stuff that I have written during that time, and I must admit that I captured the trip nicely. That is besides the cursing. Now, I know that I am not as bad as I used to be, but almost every time I got on Facebook, I threw out a casual swear, and it makes me laugh. It wasn't a mean curse. Just a casual swear. Either that means that I loosened up, or I have resorted to that level of prose again.
If you want me to put a face to the people that I referenced a lot during my stay, these two people are the Katey Rich and Matt Patches that I referenced in terms of Sundance coverage almost every day (I don't know the legality to cropping a photo from their videos, but do know that I do not own it and you can watch it here). They have given me so much optimism for the year as I discover more and more that I probably will not be seeing any big tent pole releases this year (that's right, you Star Trek, X-Men, and Iron Man sequels). However, I will have a few to keep an eye out for. Thanks so much. My cohorts at CinemaBeach also did coverage, though as a devout Operation Kino listener (do those exist?), I also really respect these guys opinions and may be the one shining hope on me being in my 20's and wanting to pursue film journalism.
Same spiel here. I do not own these videos. You can watch them here.
Yes, I do have a growing love for everything Anne Marsen, and her choice to record daily Vlogs with her boyfriend in lieu of filming a music video was also opportune in timing. While I do not feel that they are necessary to anyone who doesn't already care, they have kept me entertained and again, just an inspiration for me to keep going. Yadda yadda yadda. Basically, I want to get into smaller talents this year, and if you haven't seen Girl Walk // All Day despite all my complaining. Please do. Going on three months of obsession here. If anything, I get a better sense of who Marsen is as a performer and while that means nothing really, well, those lonely hours in a bedroom overlooking the Queen's Head were made slightly more entertaining. And yes, I do kind of adore her still.
Now that I have all of that out of the way, I just want to say that I am doing fine. I am a little behind because of the trip, but in the end, I feel like it centered me better. As it stands, my proposed year book has actually had an increase in development since my return with daily notes and a slightly more optimistic bent that this can actually happen. I do not know that my creativity is up, but I am centered back to at least thinking in that way. I am happy about that.
Now to get back to my thoughts on the actual trip. Do I feel like I benefited at all from the experience? For the most part, yes. I went over with little intention besides seeing Alex, and that was far surpassed. I rode public transportation, went to a burlesque show, and enjoyed the wonders of contemporary British culture.
Mind you, I must warn you that a quick search of Threesome via Google is a little bit pornographic. So instead of leading everyone astray, I figured that this photo will at least give you an idea of what it looks like. I must admit that I am not entirely sure why that is the show of everything (Friday Night Dinner, Pete vs. Life, Black Books, Fresh Meat) that I clung to most, but I really dig it and have only a few gaps to fill before I have seen the entire series. At very least, I must say that I enjoy having the stereotype of British sitcoms broken by actually proven that there is more than Rowan Atkinson in World War II garb. I know that there is plenty of modern UK humor out there, but I don't see a lot of it because it just isn't commercial enough. Also, Russell Howard is pretty funny.
I know, I am spending way too much time on the pop culture side of things, but that is essentially what I hoped to get out of it. In reality, I got so much more. So instead of throwing snippets about, I figured that I would try and get it out of my system before continuing. I also apologize for not throwing in actual photographs, but you know what, I have posted what I have and you can visit them on their own respective pages.
At first, I was very much overwhelmed by the change of culture. The first few days weren't so much appreciation as they were just trying to convince myself that I was in England. Even the trips to the pubs were met with me in disbelief that the fireplaces were made with real bricks. It just blew my mind. Somehow the accents were the least of my worries for awhile. However, by the end, I kind of felt like the nuances were getting to me. I almost felt like I had stayed long enough to replace most dialogue with "fucking hell." Quite a bit edgier than "bloody" if you ask me.
I feel like being overwhelmed ruined the first five days. Not that these days weren't packed with memories. In fact, a lot of the basis of those days were fun filled. We went up to the top of the town's church, and I went into the Odeon in Brighton to see Gangster Squad. There was plenty worth admiring about the early days. However, around the following Monday, I felt like things clicked and I at very least was ready to do anything.
Of course, the introduction of snow was quite a hurdle, but at very least, I felt like I finally understood what being debilitated meant. I have had my own car for years now, so reliance on transportation hasn't been an issue. I argue that I at least spent 20 hours sitting on a train and waiting for the destination. I got so used to staring out the window that it was probably the most missed thing when I got back home. Also, watching BBC and discovering just how snow affected the country made me realize just how impacted that Viv's job was because of the conditions and how limited our time was. At very least, I felt like it gave us time to finally enjoy the world around us. With a car, there would be limitless places to go. With the snow blocking the train, we had no excuse but to walk around town.
I never got used to the currency and I only really drank once on the whole trip. Also, part of me feels guilt for being so excessive. However, the definition of excessive over there is quite different. For the most part, I also felt like maybe I was dehydrated (or constipated) most times because on average, the portions of drinks were smaller and only really were served at a rate of one every few hours. I had to savor liquids, and that is something I'm terrible at. I could handle the food, but liquids are not something I miss having little of. However, I do admit that another cultural difference is that England doesn't feel at all excessive. Even going to the bathroom at work seems to be more excessive here.
I don't know that I learned too much that was culture shock in reality. The people were almost too mellow. Even the people I encountered who were shady didn't really come across as threatening as people from America. They had their quirks, but as long as I stayed my distance, I didn't feel like my life was in danger. I cannot find too much to complain about. They were efficient without being bossy and there was a sense of optimism that I feel is lacking here. Also, I just love not hearing about football every week. Coming to England really let me not hear about football. Also, the slang is less egregious, though more entertainingly fake.
I also feel like I know what cold weather is. I read on Facebook people complaining about weather, and all I could say was "I am walking in 0 degree weather. Ze-Ro." I used to feel smutty wearing a jacket, but it kind of made sense. I am trying to take weather more seriously now and not wear coats or turn on air conditioning just because it is a bit nippy. I actually can walk outside and despite a chill, it won't affect me as much as it would in England. I almost feel lucky to not have to worry about that.
I know that I am not saying a lot about Alex or the company, but that is because I have said most of the things that I wanted to about them in the past few entries. I had a lot of fun and you could give me three months, and I would still feel like it was short. At worst, I would complain about how stuffy the houses are after awhile (since the houses are older, air vents aren't installed in every room) and that yes, those accents may have bugged me. I don't exactly come from a place of authentic accents, but somehow there's an auditory element to home sickness.
In closing, I feel like I just learned to appreciate life more. I have kind of adapted that mindset over the past few years, but not in as rapid a way as I did during these two weeks. I am just hoping that I use it for motivation and not just slouch into nothingness. I need to make 2013 the year of accomplishments, and getting into the mindset is already a good start. Hey, I already found just where appreciation for burlesque fits.
Also, I feel like the lasting souvenir that Alex gave me was a bruise on my right shoulder. It took me a few days to realize that it was there. It still is fading after a week, but I kind of look at it as a reminder of just how fun the trip was. True, it was not exactly the longest lasting or most positive thing he could give me, but I feel that it was the symbolism more than anything that makes the bruise matter.
So, this is it for Region 2 Diaries. I want to thank everyone who helped fund the trip, motivated me with advice, or just read what I had to say. I know that I probably gave more love to Operation Kino and Anne Marsen here, but do know that coming home to you guys was an equal part of my sanity as much as seeing the Wattses. I know that things didn't work out and I couldn't see Freya, but do know I send her a hello. I am hoping to make another, shorter trip out next year for her wedding, if just for an excuse to be out there. Hopefully by then, I will be living my personal goals instead of just saying them.
With this established, this may not be the end of Region 2 Diaries. In fact, it may be defunct for now, but please be aware. This is a blog dedicated to everything involving me and Alex. When we get together next, I will attempt to relaunch this with daily entries and multimedia again. Hopefully with less paranoia, but you never know. The possibilities of places to go are endless. Other dream trips? Canada and New York. Don't know why, but those two masses of land have fascinated me for awhile now.
Thanks for reading, and I will see you when I try to launch this again. Don't know where, don't know when.
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