Day 13-14 (Jan. 25-26): Where all the Wight Women At?

ANSWER 1: Oliver from Harvard and Jennifer at Radcliffe survive every obstacle except mortality in this best seller.

ANSWER 2: This Skakespearean tragedy, one of his last, is based on Plutarch's Lives.

-Day Thirteen-

For starters, I am well aware that this is more than a few days late. I hope that through the last stretch of entries, I will be able to tell you simply that I was very busy without having to blatantly say that. Also, day thirteen was pretty much a slog. How much of a slog was it? 

I figured that I would explain myself in regards to the last entry. When I said that day 12 was the worst day of the trip, I stand by it. However, if the worst that this gets is riding trains for hours on end and arriving late at night to watch white rappers on music video channels, then I am having a really solid trip. However, because only one day can be the best, alas one day has to be the worst. It has to lack something that the others have. Activity is the one thing that comes to mind. It was predominantly travel. No fuss, no muss. It wasn't that I got stranded in Cornhead and had to call Viv for a ride home. It is simply that when I compile memories for the trip, I take the least from day twelve. So while the terms worst may be deemed as too much of a problematic wording, it really was just a day aboard the train.

Anyways, on to day thirteen. this isn't really a day for me. I wake up and Alex informs me that he needs to help Natalie at her work place: Cancer Research, which is a thrift shop of sorts with the intention of donating profits to cancer research. The place didn't have wi-fi, so Alex dumped me at a cafe down the street with a computer, thus where I wrote my last entry and felt the need to watch the Inside Llewellyn Davis trailer on repeat. I didn't.

However, I had this really awesome cheese potato that came with a side of salad. Since I was on a sofa, I had to juggle the computer and potato quite often, but damn, I really miss having cheese in potatoes. One of my regrets is not having more potato/cheese combos.

The rest of the stay wasn't that eventful. I pretty much took time to blast Facebook with more nonsensical posts about the Grammys (Jack White and the Black Keys for Best Album!), and how much I dislike talking about keeping Star Wars alive. Unfortunately, nobody was up at the time, so I rarely got replies and my one true moment to sit around and talk to people kind of jeopardized itself. 

To say the least, I also had a weird period during that time where I read Pajiba's review of Movie 43, which I figured would be awful. However, you kind of hope with so many Oscar winners and favorite up and comers that there would be some redemption. The review wasn't so much "this sucks," but a list detailing the graphic humor. I will not dare waste your time mentioning it, as I feel that just knowing about it put me into a deep depression until Alex showed up. I mean, it probably isn't as graphic as imagining it is, but the fact that it was committed to celluloid is just terrible. Also, I really feel bad for Chris Pratt, who has been on a roll in the past few years and I almost feel like half-jokingly writing a piece that this will corrupt Hugh Jackman's Oscar chances (but I am pro-Joaquin Phoenix till the end). And on a final note, I know it is January and a lot of crap comes out in January, but it sincerely made me feel terrible to be an American and have it associated with my country. For some reason, bad comedies really piss me off more than bad-any other genre. This easily sounds like one of the worst.

Anyways, that is how much of a slog my day was. I was able to write up a storm and still find time to get bummed out that America released a really shitty movie. On the bright side, I cannot be blamed for either that film of Hansel and Gretel: Vampire Hunters success at the box office last weekend because, ahem, I was on a plane. I am still loathing the moment that I click on the box office and see if anything embarrassing has happened while I was gone. I sincerely miss keeping up with stats.

Back at Natalie's house in the evening, I am not entirely sure what we did. I know that we watched two whole episodes of the Simpsons, two halves (thanks to a poorly programmed recording), and it was a relief. I seriously watch that show every day and it has been a little hard during the trip not having access to it on a regular basis. I don't know if Alex quite enjoyed the episodes as much as I did, but I still find reason to admire it.

That's it. That's all. That's all there is. Told you, it wasn't much of a day. Everyone is getting ready for the burlesque show tomorrow and I am just trying to make sure that I don't get into their hairs. 

-Day Fourteen-

After talking with Alex, I understand that my involvement with the show is kind of crucial. No, I was not performing, but after a string of paranoia of people either dropping out or missing a few key elements, this was the big day. It was time to put our nose to the grindstone and just make the best of this task, and don't ask why. Since we were making posters on the cheap, I was in charge of cutting up cardboard boxes into specific shapes while Alex cut them into frames and Natalie did some calls to make sure the world was arranged correctly for tonight.

After a lunch while watching soccer, I was no longer needed. They dumped me in Natalie's bedroom, where I continued my quest to finish off Threesome before the trip ended. On a spoiler note: I wasn't successful, but only by three episodes. I must say that I really enjoy the show and I found one episode with Bill Bailey to be rather odd in that it was like a hostage parody set in a mall with two babies. It was pretty great. Nothing is quite up to the level of Peep Show, but Jez does get around and I am just glad to know that England has modern contemporaries instead of being "Oh, you're that country that produced Monty Python," 

We left in the early afternoon to start setting up the event. Now, I had no idea what to expect. Truthfully, every time I hear about a show, I imagine an auditorium set up. There's a stage up front and the seats lined for the remaining space. Nope. This was just an empty room and it was up to a crew of about seven (don't quote me on that) to get everything in order. 

However, what a crew. They got the stage worked out and the lighting and sound. These guys were great at working fast and efficient. I was in charge of helping to line up tables and make sure that there was enough chairs. We had to stop by at the nearby supermarket store Morrison's for some important items, but otherwise, we were looking great with some time until the crowd started pouring in.

It made me nostalgic for when I was younger, going as far back as high school. I always felt odd not doing stuff at these events. I cannot go to a carnival without the feeling of "can I help you?" I just enjoy the labor behind setting up gigs, notably smaller ones that require limited people to make something happen. You have to be self-determined and it is one of those few times that I feel that you actually get to know people's work ethics. While I plan to retire and move into writing soon, I still enjoy helping set stuff up, if just because the reward of the evening being a success only feels that much more earned.

After a quick stop at McDonalds for dinner (we were one of about four parties that went there during the evening), I was relieved of duty. I now could do whatever I want, which you must admit is awkward in a place where you know no one and you kind of feel like even moving a chair can be done. However, the place looked great, and if I find a good shot, I'll throw it your way (since majority of the shots were of the stage, there isn't too much audience shots). Even if I didn't enjoy burlesque, I had that sensation of positivity already that this place looks good, and it is all because of teamwork. In fact, I argue that it would have been harder for me to be friendlier if I just showed up at the last minute. These are solid people, I must say.

I sat towards the back by the cameraman. I pretty much wouldn't feel right sitting at a table, even if I helped to decorate it. Before I go any further, let me establish preconceived notions. I don't go out to erotic events. It just isn't what I do. Now I know that burlesque isn't exactly stripping, but the provocative factor does detriment my enthusiasm. I mean, I am very proud of the effort put into getting tonight together, but before I saw anything, it seemed kitschy and dumb. I do not say this to offend anyone who put on the event. Seeing the effort into how the show came together more than elevates my opinion to a place of respect.

With that said, I must admit that I was not really into the idea that cabaret-style music dominated the show. I figured that was my initial reasoning for why I presumed it was kitschy. The performance began and the first few performers got me thinking... this is kind of silly. All they do is slowly take their clothes off in similar fashion. It felt like watching gif images on a loop for the first 15 minutes. Of course, I will remain from mentioning who to spare hurt feelings, but it was more because their routines were just not that inspired.

Cut to about the fifth one in and suddenly it is starting to make more sense. Sure, it is about removing clothes, but there is more to it. While I do think that gratuitous glove removal is a little overdone, the performers all got more and more interesting. They had outfits and props and suddenly their performance became entertainment. It wasn't so much about the arrival, but how they got there. I began to see it as an erotic equivalence to a well constructed paragraph that teases you until... BAM! You have reached the end/shocking reveal or twist. While some paragraphs are just average, a really good one will make you feel great.

Will I go see burlesque again? Probably not on my own, but I definitely don't entirely knock it anymore. It is a performance piece and while the punchline is way more obvious than a comic or dance, there is an art to a well constructed piece. I admit some were just plain goofy, but there is a mix of confidence and creativity that drives it to a place that somehow works. I will admit that I still don't get the cat calls during the performance, as it dampened the final hurrah when the performance was done, but I suppose it works.

There was a lady playing accordion, and either I was just out of it, or I thought it went on too long. She tried to be morbid and sly, and I felt like it lacked rhythm. That was my big concern. The music just didn't flow well nor did the lyrical construct hit me right. People liked it, but by that point the bar had been opened for an hour and who knows what who thought of blah. I am impressed with the crowd, though, as 70+ people showed up when the concern was that we wouldn't even break even. I really feel like Alex and Natalie are very good at driving an event, and somehow that is the most pride that I take from the trip, that I finally have seen Alex do something public and creative, and it was a success.

During intermission, Alex bought me a Jack and Coke. Being a dumbass, his next move was to make me count out 19 raffle tickets for a customer. They kept sticking together and I had to count five times just to come up with the same number twice. It was so hard and I felt embarrassed afterwards that I had to count 19 tickets in such a sloppy fashion. 

My last comments on the show will be about Alex the stand up. I was wondering what his routine would be. I assumed that he would get a tie going and tell it to me ahead of time in a very blunt fashion. However, he had been telling me the jokes all along. I just didn't realize that they were in fractions. I knew 80% of his set, so I just sat back and tried to see how the audience ate it up. Rather solid, speaking that by that point I began to wonder if I even found those jokes funny. Not because they were dated, but he has said some up to 15 times in the past few weeks.

Probably the most crucial thing is that I feel he has stage presence. He isn't necessarily all there just yet, but he controls the crowd and knows how to go with the flow. He has charisma and that alone will sell the lesser jokes. Maybe you'll see the performance later on. I feel that he is still very raw, but he is on his way to being one hell of an MC/comedian if he chooses to continue. I cannot really compare accurately, but leading up to this, there has been a whole ton of talk of Aziz Ansari's "Dangerously Delicious," which I feel definitely inspired him. 

I know that I am just brushing over Alex here, but I think that he has charisma and can ad lib pretty well. I say that sincerely. Was he perfect? No. He still is raw and sometimes succeeds more on passion than craft. However, the delivery and overall performance shows someone who at least has something to say and an interesting way of going about it. 

In an odd way, I kind of want to watch Funny People again now. In all honesty, as much as I am a devout Apatowian, I skipped This Is 40 because it just didn't look good. I feel bad, but when push came to shove and every movie was three hours, I just decided against it. I will definitely make it a priority DVD rental when it comes out. However, I also say that because I almost feel like Alex and I discovered Ansari together through that movie, and to know we both still find him great is both an achievement for him as well as us.

After tearing down and attempting to get me drunk, we left. Here's the truth. I intended to get drunk, but Alex couldn't afford to go over to the bar enough to get me drinks. I didn't get a hand stamp, so I assumed they wouldn't sell to me. Still, I drank quite a bit, but by the fact that I moved over 70 chairs into a pile along the wall perfectly is only a testament to the idea that I haven't been drunk in over two years. Woo hoo? I really wanted to make drinking special and only do it in Alex's company. It kind of failed.

Alex still had stuff to do, so he sent me home with the cameraman and the sound guy. Also, along came Violet, who was a winner of Burlesque Idol in 2012. I didn't know who was sitting in the back seat, so I initially took to where I normally sit. The sound guy cut me off and said he had a problem sitting up front. I took to the front, even though I don't necessarily enjoy it. Part of me contemplates if the sound guy haggled me out of a seat to sit next to the winner of Burlesque Idol in 2012. I almost feel that is the case, though taking his modesty into account, he may have had a slight problem.

It was very odd driving home in a car full of people I hardly knew and before leaving talked to for 20 minutes. It did feel like one of those odd Hunter S. Thompson stories where you join midway through and suddenly you're with a bunch of random strangers driving to nowhere. The countryside was long and winding and thus Violet complained for most of the ride. Not knowing the island, I had no idea where we were going, so that added to my confusion. Still, I found it funny that Violet, who is from London, complained about most of the trip because she is not used to the lack of street lights. However, at a certain point, I too was feeling like we were on our way to a brothel.

But we got home safely and that trip is just one of those amazing yet odd stories that I will take with me. Since Alex wasn't home, I just took to my room. Out of boredom, I popped on the Atonement score and initially bummed myself out. It was really good and I was beginning to realize that the trip was almost over. Also, it was almost 1:30 AM, so I didn't exactly go to bed on time. I eventually decided to say "fuck it" and began putting on dance music. Alex walked in while I was busting a move to Outkast. Somehow I got under the covers in time, but the sweaty body and heavy breath probably gave it away. 

Since I didn't really have much internet access, I cannot really share too much news other than Ellen Page is in the next X-Men movie. Not looking forward to that. I seriously don't get the X-Men. They have all the powers they need to survive. Where is the conflict? However, this will get me to watch the movie and force me to watch X-Men: The Last Stand just so I can get a double dose of X-Men Page. It does seem utterly odd that that I am gone for two weeks and suddenly Ellen Page has had more news coverage than she had in most of late 2012. 

Going to bed around 3 AM, I knew that it was going to be the last full day together, and we had to make the most of it. Coming up next... we pull an all nighter! Kind of.

QUESTION 1: What is Love Story? 

QUESTION 2: What is Antony and Cleopatra?

Day 12 (Jan. 24): Enter Natalie, Stage Right

ANSWER: Post-medieval ballads about this outlaw are the source for his companion Marian.

-Day Twelve-

Here's the unfortunate truth, if you had to chalk up anything out of today, it may be that it was the worst day of the trip. Okay, maybe the least eventful, but it was heavily because of travel. We didn't sit around doing anything fun. We were in perpetual motion. What makes it the worst is not necessarily that I don't travel a lot, but because there is no novelty. There isn't much in terms of introductory material. All it was really was a whole ton of travelling.

There isn't too much that I can share about the pre-leaving stuff besides that I packed a bag, read my Alan Sepinwall book, and waited until we left for the train. That is really the extent to my day before 3 PM. After that, it was pretty much time for us to catch the train. A bunch of school children made sure that the train was jam packed. I thought ahead and packed on a bunch of podcasts, notably the Auteurcast episodes on Panic Room and Zodiac as well as a Fresh Air interview with Lena Dunham. Halfway through that conversation, I found myself returning to that lost 20-something mindset and thinking that she was a genius. Her dialogue is just so fresh and I envy her. I want to be a contributing voice to this generation in history, but I just need to keep going.

Also, I am not telling anyone around here, mostly because of semantics, but my plan when I first get home is rather simple. Either I fall asleep, go out and have dinner and talk about my trip. Maybe hug the cat. However the first thing that I will do when everyone leaves me alone is marathon the three episodes of Girls from season two that has aired so far. Listening to that Fresh Air interview has gotten me convinced that I am missing something great. As it stands, reading online that this may be better than season one is unbelievable, because that was flawless (okay, not flawless, but you get my drift). How can they possibly top it? THAT is what I plan to do once the world leaves me alone. Sit on my bed and just watch 90 minutes of Girls. Also, I have gone the longest IN MY LIFE without watching the Simpsons. It is unnerving, really. 

If one person I feel bad for on the trip, it is Alex. Here's the thing. Since we are staying at Natalie's house, and it will be crowded, he had to bring a duvet (or a big bag with bed stuff), which in my brief time carrying it was pretty heavy. I felt bad for him and my shoulder bag-esque stuff for the few nights there pales in comparison. Also consider the compacted train, it was a tight squeeze at times and it was a pain for him to walk through the aisles. My sympathies go out to him, though he is doing all right. 

To give you an idea of the amount of time that we took public transportation, it went like this: a 90 minute train ride connected to a 60 minute train ride connected to a 20 minute train ride connected to a 20 minute boat ride to another 20 minute train ride. For anyone doubting that podcasts are the future, you must download a few and go on a super long train ride. Your sanity will thank you. 

Still, nothing eventful for most of that ride. Nothing really worth reporting about. We met Natalie in Portsmouth for the boat ride. Instead of sharing the long, dull next hour of transportation, I will just dive into a rambling on Alex. 

I am aware that Alex has had girlfriends. I have talked to a few of them and they seem like decent people. However, this may be the first one that I have met. True, Alex did date Alex B., though I question if I should count that since Alex B. and I had a developed relationship before they briefly hooked up. Anyways, I am just going to say that this is the first girlfriend that I have met of Alex's that I knew very little about. I was hoping things would go smoothly, or the next three days would be a real pain.

From what vague interaction I had with her on the rides over, she seems like a good girl. However, I must champion Alex's character. I get the sense that he cares for her just with the little things. He helps her at work and they seem to be partners in menial tasks. I get the sense that he cares and in many ways, it makes me wonder when I will actually feel like I care about someone. It sucks to think this way, but I have been alone, mostly connecting with people on an impersonal level and hoping good behavior attracts them. I am not saying my life is total abyss, but I have trouble finding someone that I want to care about. I suppose that I apply to the 1 close friend than 100 impersonal friends policy. Excuses, excuses. 

But Natalie seems nice and I cannot really find too many faults. They both seem to be responsible adults and together they make a reasonable couple. I'll stop talking, but I guess I just approve. After a dinner where I got to meet the parents, we went into her room for the next few hours and watched TV. 

We mostly flipped through music video channels. I got a crash course introduction to the pop bands of their 90's with the likes of Blue and Five. They had a bunch of stories about who was cool and who was a dick. Somehow one of the few songs that we listened to all the way through was "It's Raining Men." However, the biggest deal for me was that I finally saw the video for Ray Parker Jr.'s "Ghostbusters," which lead me to be like "What is Al Franken doing in this video?" It was quite a trip, though I still have no idea why this video had John Candy and Chevy Chase cameos (the latter of whom appeared twice). Natalie has no idea who they were, but my love of SNL cannot keep me from noticing them. 

Then we watched AKA, a channel dedicated to user submitted rap videos. Now,  I want to say upfront that while I find modern American rap to be ridiculously shallow, there is some sincerity to it that keeps it from being hilarious. Cut to British rap, notably this white guy named Devlin. He has no real flow and his baddassery was not quite that great. While I am not going to argue that England doesn't have any hoods, I doubt they compare to Detroit. Devlin was exceptionally awkward, as he had the passion, but his lyrics were just ridiculous and I had no belief that he was exactly legitimately good. There was even a video where they had screens of him performing over England's biggest monuments and it looked totally hoaky. When he said "You're being brainwashed," I couldn't help but laugh.

There was also another video. I had no idea who the artist was, but the song was "Grown Ass Man" and it only was a great punchline because the video was totally absurd. The guy was rapping about being mature and responsible, but he was doing it on a swing, in a bumper car, and for some reason flashing a Toy Story 3 Ken Doll. Also, the characters had Lego heads for no real reason. Again, lyrics were not that impressive and for once, I felt like America did something better, notably proven when Eminem's "Lose Yourself" came on. 

Before I totally write off rap music from the UK, let me note that I am wondering how things got here. I thoroughly enjoyed Lady Sovereign's "Public Warning" album, and I argue that there are definitely a few really solid other artists. For instance, the artist that I somehow consider to be the pioneer (or at very least, the first notable UK rap artist in America) is Mike Skinner aka The Streets. I consider him to be an acquire taste rhythmically, but I did enjoy songs off of his first three albums. I figured it was a good sign of England doing the genre, but without appearing to be just a clone. Also, Dizzee Rascal, who was prominently featured at the Olympics, is one that I haven't quite gotten into, but another notable name. In fact, it has been seven years since I sincerely can think of solid UK rap artists. Someone solve this so I don't think that Devlin is the only thing you guys have produced.

We also watched this show that was essentially cinematic auctions. They found antiques from movies and auctioned them off to bidders. Where it was initially chosen because Alex was into the Star Trek stuff, I got on board when I noticed a sleestak was involved. I don't know if Alex actually watched Land of the Lost, but damn, was that an exciting moment for me. I have an odd love with that show in that I will watch it if it is on, but I probably will not buy the box set. Then there was... drum roll... the Invisible Man poster, which is a really old and really rare version. I must enjoy the irony that this has now been referenced during 80% of my stay, and this time in a very, very blatant way.

It ran for $200,000, and Alex was concerned that nobody should play that much for a piece of paper. But let us note, that first off, this film is a classic of the era and that poster is gorgeous. The James Whale film with Claude Rains. Look it up. That poster is gorgeous. Alex calls that film crap, but I wonder if he is thinking of the same one that they were actually referencing. As much as I dislike the Antiques Roadshow shows, I really was into that auction for the Invisible Man poster. It is just... so... gorgeous. 

This was pretty much the rest of the night until around midnight, when we finally called it quits and I retreated to my room, which was a nice combo of a mattress on the floor with the walls being lined with dolls and figurines that definitely screamed a good hearted woman. I couldn't quite get to sleep right away, so I decided to watch Girl Walk // All Day, and I sincerely feel the warmth in that movie now. The ending is so beautiful, which is odd since I initially found it overwhelming. However, I still argue that there is gay subtext, even though it is mostly because the romance feels like it goes from being between the Girl and the Gentleman to the Gentleman and the Creep. Of course, narration goes out the window in the last 10 minutes, but dammit, I wish that the video lasted three hours. I kind of love it too much to make it to the end.

I am not even sure anymore, and I pray that this isn't just a fad. I love that film and wonder if I'll burn out on it, or if I will actually learn to embrace it as one of my all time favorites. It is entering Juno territory now with how often I have seen it: four times straight through, at least 20 not connected. In a sense, it is almost too simple of a story to really explain why it hits me so emotionally, but it is just so thrilling that I cannot stop watching it. Also, the camera work just impresses me every time. 

I'll stop with that for now. As it is, I am currently on my own in the Isle of Wight for a brief period. Why is this? Alex is helping Natalie at her shop and I would just be a nuisance there. Killing time at a cafe called Bagel Wrap. Not much really to report other than it is giving me plenty of personal time to catch up on movie news and just check  my mail. I am hoping that next week I will be able to jump on a chance to review Quentin Dupieaux's Wrong. I have been looking forward to that movie FOREVER. Also, please do yourself a favor and watch the Inside Llewellyn Davis trailer. It really justifies why I love the Coen Brothers. 

No Sundance news, and I cannot really say hello to family, as it is probably pitch black where they are. All I can do is enjoy my time with a computer. It has been a fun trip and I don't want to see it end, but at the same time, the two weeks have really shown themselves and I feel that I am almost too comfortable being abroad to the point of disbelief. This may sound redundant, sure, but I cannot believe how calming it is to be here. True, I miss the basic needs, but it is not like an internment camp. I will survive, and I have nicely. 

Tomorrow should be interesting. I have strayed from really saying it, but Natalie is putting on a burlesque gig and Alex is doing stand-up. I am hoping to enjoy it, but also concerned that somehow I will get awkwardly emotional. Provocative stuff is not really something I partake in all that much. I'm acting like this is life changing, but seriously, for someone who has trouble finding anyone appealing enough to talk to, I just wonder how things will go. Again, I will survive, but part of me feels like I will break into a "I'm more interested in how you did that" mindset. Fuck my intellect brain.

Anyways, having fun. Will continue to have fun. No need to worry about me. However, you will not stop me from naming tomorrow's entry "Where all the Wight women at?" I have seriously been keeping that in reserves since I heard about this place. 


QUESTION: Who is Robin Hood?