Day 13-14 (Jan. 25-26): Where all the Wight Women At?

ANSWER 1: Oliver from Harvard and Jennifer at Radcliffe survive every obstacle except mortality in this best seller.

ANSWER 2: This Skakespearean tragedy, one of his last, is based on Plutarch's Lives.

-Day Thirteen-

For starters, I am well aware that this is more than a few days late. I hope that through the last stretch of entries, I will be able to tell you simply that I was very busy without having to blatantly say that. Also, day thirteen was pretty much a slog. How much of a slog was it? 

I figured that I would explain myself in regards to the last entry. When I said that day 12 was the worst day of the trip, I stand by it. However, if the worst that this gets is riding trains for hours on end and arriving late at night to watch white rappers on music video channels, then I am having a really solid trip. However, because only one day can be the best, alas one day has to be the worst. It has to lack something that the others have. Activity is the one thing that comes to mind. It was predominantly travel. No fuss, no muss. It wasn't that I got stranded in Cornhead and had to call Viv for a ride home. It is simply that when I compile memories for the trip, I take the least from day twelve. So while the terms worst may be deemed as too much of a problematic wording, it really was just a day aboard the train.

Anyways, on to day thirteen. this isn't really a day for me. I wake up and Alex informs me that he needs to help Natalie at her work place: Cancer Research, which is a thrift shop of sorts with the intention of donating profits to cancer research. The place didn't have wi-fi, so Alex dumped me at a cafe down the street with a computer, thus where I wrote my last entry and felt the need to watch the Inside Llewellyn Davis trailer on repeat. I didn't.

However, I had this really awesome cheese potato that came with a side of salad. Since I was on a sofa, I had to juggle the computer and potato quite often, but damn, I really miss having cheese in potatoes. One of my regrets is not having more potato/cheese combos.

The rest of the stay wasn't that eventful. I pretty much took time to blast Facebook with more nonsensical posts about the Grammys (Jack White and the Black Keys for Best Album!), and how much I dislike talking about keeping Star Wars alive. Unfortunately, nobody was up at the time, so I rarely got replies and my one true moment to sit around and talk to people kind of jeopardized itself. 

To say the least, I also had a weird period during that time where I read Pajiba's review of Movie 43, which I figured would be awful. However, you kind of hope with so many Oscar winners and favorite up and comers that there would be some redemption. The review wasn't so much "this sucks," but a list detailing the graphic humor. I will not dare waste your time mentioning it, as I feel that just knowing about it put me into a deep depression until Alex showed up. I mean, it probably isn't as graphic as imagining it is, but the fact that it was committed to celluloid is just terrible. Also, I really feel bad for Chris Pratt, who has been on a roll in the past few years and I almost feel like half-jokingly writing a piece that this will corrupt Hugh Jackman's Oscar chances (but I am pro-Joaquin Phoenix till the end). And on a final note, I know it is January and a lot of crap comes out in January, but it sincerely made me feel terrible to be an American and have it associated with my country. For some reason, bad comedies really piss me off more than bad-any other genre. This easily sounds like one of the worst.

Anyways, that is how much of a slog my day was. I was able to write up a storm and still find time to get bummed out that America released a really shitty movie. On the bright side, I cannot be blamed for either that film of Hansel and Gretel: Vampire Hunters success at the box office last weekend because, ahem, I was on a plane. I am still loathing the moment that I click on the box office and see if anything embarrassing has happened while I was gone. I sincerely miss keeping up with stats.

Back at Natalie's house in the evening, I am not entirely sure what we did. I know that we watched two whole episodes of the Simpsons, two halves (thanks to a poorly programmed recording), and it was a relief. I seriously watch that show every day and it has been a little hard during the trip not having access to it on a regular basis. I don't know if Alex quite enjoyed the episodes as much as I did, but I still find reason to admire it.

That's it. That's all. That's all there is. Told you, it wasn't much of a day. Everyone is getting ready for the burlesque show tomorrow and I am just trying to make sure that I don't get into their hairs. 

-Day Fourteen-

After talking with Alex, I understand that my involvement with the show is kind of crucial. No, I was not performing, but after a string of paranoia of people either dropping out or missing a few key elements, this was the big day. It was time to put our nose to the grindstone and just make the best of this task, and don't ask why. Since we were making posters on the cheap, I was in charge of cutting up cardboard boxes into specific shapes while Alex cut them into frames and Natalie did some calls to make sure the world was arranged correctly for tonight.

After a lunch while watching soccer, I was no longer needed. They dumped me in Natalie's bedroom, where I continued my quest to finish off Threesome before the trip ended. On a spoiler note: I wasn't successful, but only by three episodes. I must say that I really enjoy the show and I found one episode with Bill Bailey to be rather odd in that it was like a hostage parody set in a mall with two babies. It was pretty great. Nothing is quite up to the level of Peep Show, but Jez does get around and I am just glad to know that England has modern contemporaries instead of being "Oh, you're that country that produced Monty Python," 

We left in the early afternoon to start setting up the event. Now, I had no idea what to expect. Truthfully, every time I hear about a show, I imagine an auditorium set up. There's a stage up front and the seats lined for the remaining space. Nope. This was just an empty room and it was up to a crew of about seven (don't quote me on that) to get everything in order. 

However, what a crew. They got the stage worked out and the lighting and sound. These guys were great at working fast and efficient. I was in charge of helping to line up tables and make sure that there was enough chairs. We had to stop by at the nearby supermarket store Morrison's for some important items, but otherwise, we were looking great with some time until the crowd started pouring in.

It made me nostalgic for when I was younger, going as far back as high school. I always felt odd not doing stuff at these events. I cannot go to a carnival without the feeling of "can I help you?" I just enjoy the labor behind setting up gigs, notably smaller ones that require limited people to make something happen. You have to be self-determined and it is one of those few times that I feel that you actually get to know people's work ethics. While I plan to retire and move into writing soon, I still enjoy helping set stuff up, if just because the reward of the evening being a success only feels that much more earned.

After a quick stop at McDonalds for dinner (we were one of about four parties that went there during the evening), I was relieved of duty. I now could do whatever I want, which you must admit is awkward in a place where you know no one and you kind of feel like even moving a chair can be done. However, the place looked great, and if I find a good shot, I'll throw it your way (since majority of the shots were of the stage, there isn't too much audience shots). Even if I didn't enjoy burlesque, I had that sensation of positivity already that this place looks good, and it is all because of teamwork. In fact, I argue that it would have been harder for me to be friendlier if I just showed up at the last minute. These are solid people, I must say.

I sat towards the back by the cameraman. I pretty much wouldn't feel right sitting at a table, even if I helped to decorate it. Before I go any further, let me establish preconceived notions. I don't go out to erotic events. It just isn't what I do. Now I know that burlesque isn't exactly stripping, but the provocative factor does detriment my enthusiasm. I mean, I am very proud of the effort put into getting tonight together, but before I saw anything, it seemed kitschy and dumb. I do not say this to offend anyone who put on the event. Seeing the effort into how the show came together more than elevates my opinion to a place of respect.

With that said, I must admit that I was not really into the idea that cabaret-style music dominated the show. I figured that was my initial reasoning for why I presumed it was kitschy. The performance began and the first few performers got me thinking... this is kind of silly. All they do is slowly take their clothes off in similar fashion. It felt like watching gif images on a loop for the first 15 minutes. Of course, I will remain from mentioning who to spare hurt feelings, but it was more because their routines were just not that inspired.

Cut to about the fifth one in and suddenly it is starting to make more sense. Sure, it is about removing clothes, but there is more to it. While I do think that gratuitous glove removal is a little overdone, the performers all got more and more interesting. They had outfits and props and suddenly their performance became entertainment. It wasn't so much about the arrival, but how they got there. I began to see it as an erotic equivalence to a well constructed paragraph that teases you until... BAM! You have reached the end/shocking reveal or twist. While some paragraphs are just average, a really good one will make you feel great.

Will I go see burlesque again? Probably not on my own, but I definitely don't entirely knock it anymore. It is a performance piece and while the punchline is way more obvious than a comic or dance, there is an art to a well constructed piece. I admit some were just plain goofy, but there is a mix of confidence and creativity that drives it to a place that somehow works. I will admit that I still don't get the cat calls during the performance, as it dampened the final hurrah when the performance was done, but I suppose it works.

There was a lady playing accordion, and either I was just out of it, or I thought it went on too long. She tried to be morbid and sly, and I felt like it lacked rhythm. That was my big concern. The music just didn't flow well nor did the lyrical construct hit me right. People liked it, but by that point the bar had been opened for an hour and who knows what who thought of blah. I am impressed with the crowd, though, as 70+ people showed up when the concern was that we wouldn't even break even. I really feel like Alex and Natalie are very good at driving an event, and somehow that is the most pride that I take from the trip, that I finally have seen Alex do something public and creative, and it was a success.

During intermission, Alex bought me a Jack and Coke. Being a dumbass, his next move was to make me count out 19 raffle tickets for a customer. They kept sticking together and I had to count five times just to come up with the same number twice. It was so hard and I felt embarrassed afterwards that I had to count 19 tickets in such a sloppy fashion. 

My last comments on the show will be about Alex the stand up. I was wondering what his routine would be. I assumed that he would get a tie going and tell it to me ahead of time in a very blunt fashion. However, he had been telling me the jokes all along. I just didn't realize that they were in fractions. I knew 80% of his set, so I just sat back and tried to see how the audience ate it up. Rather solid, speaking that by that point I began to wonder if I even found those jokes funny. Not because they were dated, but he has said some up to 15 times in the past few weeks.

Probably the most crucial thing is that I feel he has stage presence. He isn't necessarily all there just yet, but he controls the crowd and knows how to go with the flow. He has charisma and that alone will sell the lesser jokes. Maybe you'll see the performance later on. I feel that he is still very raw, but he is on his way to being one hell of an MC/comedian if he chooses to continue. I cannot really compare accurately, but leading up to this, there has been a whole ton of talk of Aziz Ansari's "Dangerously Delicious," which I feel definitely inspired him. 

I know that I am just brushing over Alex here, but I think that he has charisma and can ad lib pretty well. I say that sincerely. Was he perfect? No. He still is raw and sometimes succeeds more on passion than craft. However, the delivery and overall performance shows someone who at least has something to say and an interesting way of going about it. 

In an odd way, I kind of want to watch Funny People again now. In all honesty, as much as I am a devout Apatowian, I skipped This Is 40 because it just didn't look good. I feel bad, but when push came to shove and every movie was three hours, I just decided against it. I will definitely make it a priority DVD rental when it comes out. However, I also say that because I almost feel like Alex and I discovered Ansari together through that movie, and to know we both still find him great is both an achievement for him as well as us.

After tearing down and attempting to get me drunk, we left. Here's the truth. I intended to get drunk, but Alex couldn't afford to go over to the bar enough to get me drinks. I didn't get a hand stamp, so I assumed they wouldn't sell to me. Still, I drank quite a bit, but by the fact that I moved over 70 chairs into a pile along the wall perfectly is only a testament to the idea that I haven't been drunk in over two years. Woo hoo? I really wanted to make drinking special and only do it in Alex's company. It kind of failed.

Alex still had stuff to do, so he sent me home with the cameraman and the sound guy. Also, along came Violet, who was a winner of Burlesque Idol in 2012. I didn't know who was sitting in the back seat, so I initially took to where I normally sit. The sound guy cut me off and said he had a problem sitting up front. I took to the front, even though I don't necessarily enjoy it. Part of me contemplates if the sound guy haggled me out of a seat to sit next to the winner of Burlesque Idol in 2012. I almost feel that is the case, though taking his modesty into account, he may have had a slight problem.

It was very odd driving home in a car full of people I hardly knew and before leaving talked to for 20 minutes. It did feel like one of those odd Hunter S. Thompson stories where you join midway through and suddenly you're with a bunch of random strangers driving to nowhere. The countryside was long and winding and thus Violet complained for most of the ride. Not knowing the island, I had no idea where we were going, so that added to my confusion. Still, I found it funny that Violet, who is from London, complained about most of the trip because she is not used to the lack of street lights. However, at a certain point, I too was feeling like we were on our way to a brothel.

But we got home safely and that trip is just one of those amazing yet odd stories that I will take with me. Since Alex wasn't home, I just took to my room. Out of boredom, I popped on the Atonement score and initially bummed myself out. It was really good and I was beginning to realize that the trip was almost over. Also, it was almost 1:30 AM, so I didn't exactly go to bed on time. I eventually decided to say "fuck it" and began putting on dance music. Alex walked in while I was busting a move to Outkast. Somehow I got under the covers in time, but the sweaty body and heavy breath probably gave it away. 

Since I didn't really have much internet access, I cannot really share too much news other than Ellen Page is in the next X-Men movie. Not looking forward to that. I seriously don't get the X-Men. They have all the powers they need to survive. Where is the conflict? However, this will get me to watch the movie and force me to watch X-Men: The Last Stand just so I can get a double dose of X-Men Page. It does seem utterly odd that that I am gone for two weeks and suddenly Ellen Page has had more news coverage than she had in most of late 2012. 

Going to bed around 3 AM, I knew that it was going to be the last full day together, and we had to make the most of it. Coming up next... we pull an all nighter! Kind of.

QUESTION 1: What is Love Story? 

QUESTION 2: What is Antony and Cleopatra?

Day 10 (Jan. 22): "When the f**k did we get ice cream?"

ANSWER: This bluesman's first top 40 hit was 1964's "Rock Me Baby."

-Day Ten-

Today was probably the last of the glorious "We have nothing to do" days for the remainder of the trip. Wednesday would be London, Thursday would be out to see Natalie in the Isle of Wight, and by the weekend, I need to get ready to get out of here. However, as I write this, I realize just how much I cherish the lack of things to do. While the weekend and snow tampered that in an extremist sort of fashion, I do enjoy the idea of being stranded. I don't get that in California more than once every few years. Don't get me wrong, going places is essential, but there is something awe inspiring about nothingness sometimes.

Continuing my trend, I woke up before Alex and was up in my room finishing off the WTF with Marc Maron episode with Dave Grohl. Ever since I was little, I have found myself oddly fascinated  by Grohl. Maybe at first for Foo Fighters, but he just seemed to be so passionate about music. However, I still argue my favorite Grohl moment remains the Queens of the Stone Age song "Song for the Dead" in which he has that ridiculous drum opening. I don't know why, but that is my token rock star song where I grab twigs and bang pillows until I hit in time. Mind you, I only play bass. I also wrote a report on Grohl in seventh grade. He hasn't aged well with me, but I still respect him as a passionate musician.

Downstairs, we regrouped and discovered that someone named John was going to come over to visit. Who is John? For starters, he is a friend of Alex's that has spent a year in Australia. We got down to discussing what we would do when we saw him. It was assumed that we would have access to an X-Box, in which we would be playing games up in Alex's room for a very, very long afternoon. Now that sounded great. I personally didn't want to leave the house. 

Up in Alex's room, I sat on his bed while he tidied up. Cracking a window, he played me this odd band called Violent Delight that makes no sense lyrically. However, one thing that I am going to miss about this trip is being forced to watch Alex rock out to music. He is just so endearing when he does it. He is selling out to some One Direction music (that he swears is for a cover, but if that cover will ever appear is still up for discussion).

I sat reading Alan Sepinwall's book "the Revolution was Televised." To refresh everyone, I have been trying to get into film criticism notably to test my skills. Sepinwall is a big reason for that. Listen to Firewall &Iceberg and you'll understand. TV is a fascinating landscape if you know where to look. He is chronicling the most significant dramas that shaped TV of the last 25 years. I have only read 40 pages, and man, I might as well quit. He is so poetic in how he turns chapters on shows into a historical lecture mixed with significant tidbits. I learn so much.

The fact is, he knows how to write criticism about TV. I don't know the first thing, even if I do it five times a week. Of course, I try to pat myself on the back and say that one year out from film criticism for me was not exactly any more glorious than my first year of critiquing TV. Still Sepinwall clearly evokes passion and is very confident in every single syllable. I could only aspire to be him, though he also knows a ton about TV that I have no idea exists. In closing, he is so convincing as a writer that he makes Oz sound like the greatest show ever. He doesn't use hyperbole at all. It is just how he presents Oz as this risky, ground breaking show that makes you want to watch it. I'm on a chapter about the Sopranos and I cannot wait to get to Breaking Bad. This guy makes the history of TV fascinating. All I do is give the facts. I lose.

John shows up and we're back in the living room. Alex pretends that he is Tom Delonge while playing songs on an acoustic guitar. I cannot help but scream "spaceship" during the breaks to feel like a fitting tribute to where Delonge ended up. Chris disliked it, but Alex being a buffoon is still rather entertaining and man, I am beginning to realize that this is probably the thing that's going to symbolize my trip more than any film, building, or event. Alex playing guitar and singing poorly (semantics time: I only applied that to the LAST one).

John shows up and somehow my first instinct is to play Happy Birthday on guitar because that is one of 10 songs that I know how to play. Nothing phases the moment, and I am forced to get dressed. No problem. Alex and I talked about doing a snack run when John got there. I figured that discussion on hooking up games was planned out while I was gone. I was ready to just go to that store and buy some drinks and have some fun. Really, as many lazy days as we have had, we just haven't had one of those pointless lazy binge days.

We got into John's car. Already odd. We have walked to the market to buy goods many times before now. However, I just roll with it. I notice he misses the turn to the market. In fact, we are soon surrounded by trees and fields covered in snow. We are now over 20 minutes away from the market. We are possibly in another city. It is hard to tell, but the signs give me an impression that the snacks were going to have to wait.

John is a nice guy. Alex and him caught up and I just sat in the back trying to find that moment to chime in. It seemed close to impossible. I knew nothing about Australia or their relationship as chums. I was just a friend who knew John for 30 minutes before realizing we were not going to buy snacks. Also, I have this weird streak of being more of a polite funny man. I can get crass, but the amount of perverted jokes coming from the front seat of the car was intimidating, speaking it almost felt like a code that me saying "Good one, Alex" would somehow make me look like an idiot. I try to be a decent person and sound smart, but I also spend so much time being quiet that I occasionally ponder if I am just not an interesting person in comparison to someone who can talk for an entire car ride and miss the market for snacks.

We ended up in Hastings. Parked next to the beach, it was cold as hell and neither Alex nor I was really dressed for the weather. I had a jacket on, but I was still not layered enough for winds or being right next to a beach or rain. Alex was worse off, wearing close to nothing but shorts and no jacket. He also claims that he wasn't wearing underwear, but that was not seen by me, so I won't justify that with a response.

We decided to have lunch at a Wetherstones, where we had round two of a burger. Alex claims that they are good, but I still could not find reason to agree with him. To his advantage, all it took was a different combination for the actual taste to reach my mouth. I liked the results. John and Alex controlled the conversation, so I just enjoyed my burger and waited for the rest of the day to happen. We hit an arcade for one game of air hockey and then we were back out to the car.

Next we ended up at John's house. We played X-Box there. It was some basketball game that I had no idea how to play on top of never playing X-Box before. I played as the WNBA for the first time, and it may be my best round of the few that we played. Still, the highlights was that Alex, the button masher expert somehow beat everyone, and then the computer, but not without taking on grotesquely exaggerated voices and shouting "SHAQUILLE!" and "WHITE MAN!" which made sense in the context, and kept me from really focusing on the game for most of my time. I don't know what happened during that game, but it was probably the funnest thing besides actually getting snacks.

John drove us back to Rye shortly after we finished playing games. He was blasting terrible dance music and talking to Alex. The windows were fogged up pretty bad, so I was forced to have to listen to them or risk one of my sixth senses going insane. When we finally landed back at the house, we took a few moments to get our plan in orders before finally getting snacks, which persisted of Kit Kats, Doritos, and Fanta sodas. 

From there, we popped on my introductory English stand up comedian: Russell Howard. I don't know if Alex has some ulterior motive with his selection, but it seemed like he found one that I connected with quickly. While the references were oh so British, it was a lot of observational humor mixed with some crass, delusional selections that all felt authentic to the author. I worry that the show, which exceeded 80 minutes, may have suffered from my unfamiliar relationship with UK specials. Only legendary comedians who have been around in the George Carlin pantheon can dare go on for more than 80 minutes, which even then seems gratuitous. No lie, Howard can hold a crowd, even though there was a bit of filler. 

I enjoyed it quite a bit and since it is rare, I will mention that I laughed out loud quite a bit. I can only hope that Alex's next few selections can compare. Howard is really funny and I am glad that I discovered him. I'd like to say more, but I cannot think of too much at the moment. I will probably mention him often provided the other material (which I am sure will be great) resonates with me enough. Also, this bodes well with how I may perceive Alex and his stand-up, which I will be seeing soon. You'll probably hear about that shortly after, I am sure.

After an episode of Friday Night Dinner, we called it quits and I enjoyed my ongoing Auteurcast series on David Fincher with the episode on the Game. It may be subliminal, but I really want to see the Curious Case of Benjamin Button when I get home. I own it, so it won't be too hard to manage, but the amount of times that I hear "Fincher is a genius" just makes me want to watch his work over and over. Also, it reminds me that I still need to see Panic Room.

No Sundance news, as I fell asleep before I could get to it. However, random story collection from the past day. ABC has cancelled Don't Trust the B in Apt. 23, so I am simultaneously glad that I won't be too far behind in recaps and sad that I won't get to enjoy the one show that I felt had loads of potential. Also, Louis C.K. has written me (and his e-mail listers) that Louie is coming to the UK soon. Bravo! I will no longer feel like a cheat, even though I wonder if it will translate. However, with the amount of times that Alex says "cynicism," I think that it should.

Other than that, no real news stories. It wasn't much of a day besides being dragged around in John's car. In truth, it was a nice trip because I still do not understand how England's roads work. I have understood the lights for some time, but the road marks are still odd. Speaking that I have spent 95% of my transportation on a train, I haven't had to deal with drivers too often. I have gotten over the issue with different sides, but some of the road marks are still odd, and I felt like screaming "No, you're going to crash!" when he made turns. However, who has the license? The guy who was in Australia for a year. I rest my case.

Then again, will I remember how to drive when I get back to America? That is a serious question. I haven't had to touch a wheel for some time now, and while I am sure two weeks will not necessarily cause impairment, you do wonder if you are somewhat slower. At very least, I feel like if I go back to America and simple quick paced walks gets me out of breath, I need to get in shape. I am not a wreck, but damn does the cold mess with me in times of a rush.

I will try to get my experience in London to you before I leave for the Isle of Wight. Alex has no idea what is happening with that, and I have failed to compensate with plans. Hopefully expect it very soon, but otherwise, I will try to get it to you ASAP. I will admit that the lack of internet connection in public here has forced me to be observant. That is one pro for printed media. You don't need wifi. You just need someone to pay attention.  

QUESTION: Who is B.B. King?